I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
