My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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