the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
