I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
