Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
