11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
