So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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