Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
