If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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