I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
