Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
