god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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