so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Randomize
