either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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