Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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