First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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