it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
try to milk me bitch
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