Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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