I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
