I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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