Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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