I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
