You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
