dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
