piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
