did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
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Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
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Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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