My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
