Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
