12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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