Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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