not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
