If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
