Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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