the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
