Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
