It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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