I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm getting married
To pizza
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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