remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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