FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Sober January is a disaster.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
