If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
how drunk are you?
Several
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
