They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
