Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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