I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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