good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Randomize