Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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