Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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