you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
