dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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