To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
