she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
