we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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