I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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