I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
