This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
