**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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