So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
