You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
