Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
