My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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