eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
