Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
