you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
