Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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