Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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