my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
