We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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