So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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